The recent bombing activities in Mumbai have left the Indian public feeling nostalgic. A general notion had crept that public places, in recent times, had become unsafe. Shattering this, the terrorists have reinforced that a luxurious place doesn't necessarily mean a safe place. It is of immense embarrassment hat security standards at such elite places are so dismal. Most of us have seen one or the other hi-tech movies using latest technology and were in awe of the latest gadgets used by lawmakers and lawbreakers alike. These viewers will be left in a state of shock if they have a look at the video footage of the so called 'luxury abodes'. The quality of these archives is indiscernible and is worse than a cheap camcorder available in your local market. Surely the annual turnover of such MNC's can accommodate such meager amounts. The phrase 'you learn from your own mistakes' is meant for a human being, not for large scale organizations responsible for other people's lives.
Mumbai, the financial capital of India, is a city in tandem. Every year, nature wreaks havoc on the city in the form of torrential rains. Not so long ago, the city was mostly ruled by little goons aka 'bhai'. Add to this, the general unkempt nature of the city, the relentless pollution and the obvious problem of population, the city never provided a welcoming gesture to the tourists. Yet they came, because India, despite its shortcomings, has the second largest GDP growth rate in the world, as well as being a land of immense beauty and culture. These recent bombing activities have not only served as a warning to the Indian public, but also to the foreign visitors coming for business or pleasure. Think about it, the most luxurious hotels, and the railway station: why were these places chosen for the bombing. It may be to serve as a symbolic gesture for all visiting dignitaries and business man. Mumbai, the city of dreams, has always been considered by the poor as a haven for seeking fortune, which has indeed been a stepping stone to it's success. They are trying a to induce terror in the minds of common men and are achieving success in that too, what with the media amplifying the situation many times by showing the news over and over again. It is indeed a crippling way of looking at the incident, but nevertheless, something that we must be aware of.
Yet, in spite of all the humdrum and the hype created by the media, the public will soon find a way to survive and get on with their life. For that is what we have always done and that is what we’ll always do... Move On.
So it goes. I'm trying very hard not to let the shadows over take me. Even if the shadows are in my own mind. They say you're not going insane if you can question your own sanity. I'm not so sure. But I'm trying. Trying very hard. If I'm truly unable to face up to my own past, will I finally be consumed by it? Can I stand up to my own shadows, or will I have to admit defeat and go on the 'happy' drugs of life?
And so it goes. And I'm still trying very hard not to let the shadows overtake me.
Its time for me to stop and take a breath- to look around and see what I can see. Not that I'm going too fast, But I'm too deep, too mired down in the mundane, slowly drowning without even knowing it. I have to take a step back and look at the whole of it- at least that which I can See.
Perhaps I'm so deeply embedded in the little things that I've really become detached from Spirit and so yearn for adventure, for change I know I don't need. I wish I could meld the two, so I could function smoothly between, instead of having to flip back and forth, using energy and resources that are limited to begin with. This is my goal, to achieve fluidity; as I grow and learn I believe it can happen.
Through it all there is this lethargy, a weariness that grows every day, an increasing desire for true silence. I fight myself even as I am resigning myself to the care of Spirit, and it is exhausting me.
I've begun to wonder how much further I can go alone. I wonder if I even want to.
